Why saying ‘I’m sorry’ helps to heal: Patients’ attorneys shed light on the benefits of apology

By Jeffrey N. Catalano, Esq.
and Lisa G. Arrowood, Esq.
Mediation in a medical negligence lawsuit we handled last year started like any other, but took an unexpected twist.
The case involved the tragic death of a young girl, whom we will call Samantha, from an undiagnosed and untreated shunt malfunction in her brain.
At the start of the mediation, we, as the attorneys for her parents, made a presentation of the case and the evidence in support of our position.

There was no attempt to demonize the doctor, but just to explain in a professional manner the mistakes he made that led to her death. Samantha’s mother then spoke about the hole in their life created by their daughter’s death.

One of the most emotional moments was when she said that the dress she had purchased for her daughter to wear at her junior high school graduation that spring ended up being the dress in which she was buried.

One of the defendants, a pediatrician whom we will call Dr. Jones, appeared at the mediation out of respect for Samantha.

He listened intently to the presentations about the mistakes he had made and the devastation they caused Samantha and her family.  He then asked to speak.

He said that he wanted the parents to know that he thought of Samantha all the time, and that he was sorry for what had happened. He made an honest evaluation of his mistakes and accepted responsibility for her death.

He expressed heartfelt sentiments of sorrow and conveyed that Samantha was more than just a patient to him. He missed her too. He stayed throughout the day-long mediation.

At the end when the case settled, he asked the parents if he could hug them, and they embraced.
None of us was sure how the parents would receive this. Would it deepen their anger? Would it add to the hurt? Would it make them feel guilty for bringing the suit?

Yet none of that happened.

At the moment, they appeared stunned. But a few days later, Samantha’s mother wept from a sense of tremendous relief.

She had lived for years wondering if her daughter’s death was somehow her fault. As parents like these know, when a child gets hurt or dies, the awful thoughts that can haunt them are, “Could I have done something more, something better, something different, to save her?”

Those thoughts vanished that day once Dr. Jones apologized. Dr. Jones did not save Samantha, but he did save her parents. Surely it also helped Dr. Jones heal, which he too deserved. The integrity and courage he displayed were inspiring.

Unfortunately, it almost never happens that a physician acknowledges his mistakes so forthrightly.
Instead, the usual instinct is to duck and dive. This only adds to the anguish felt by those who have suffered a loss.

Surely both sides to a lawsuit find the process very unpleasant and difficult. However, this case demonstrated that lawsuits can allow for what otherwise would not happen – reconciliation.
For this to happen, everyone must come to accept that medical mistakes do occur and that people do suffer from them.

But just as importantly, we should all realize that the physician’s power to heal can be brought to bear even in the context of litigation.

Jeffrey Catalano and Lisa Arrowood represent patients injured by medical mistakes and are partners at the law firm of Todd and Weld LLP in Boston.